One Year Anniversay

Today marks one year since I entered the convent. I have to be honest, as I boarded the plane for New Jersey one year ago, I didn't think I could make it this far. But, that's another post for another time.

As a little reflection I wanted to share with you something that I wrote after my first visit to the Salesians. It pretty much tells you everything about why I came and why I'm still here. Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers you have given me. Keep 'em coming because I still have a long way to go! :)

********************************************************************************

April 2011
I have been on a journey. A long, difficult, and at times, very painful journey. I have spent a lot of time questioning, doubting, fighting. Most of all, I have felt empty inside. I had an ache that wouldn't rest. That wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually, I came to recognize that ache as my yearning for Christ. That piece of me that would not rest was my heart that was made for Him alone. This past weekend that restlessness was quieted for the first time since I can remember starting this journey. For the first time in a long time, I sat in front of the Eucharist and felt no surge of emotion. No numbness. No pain. No pushing. Just QUIET. Peace.

When I got on the plane to visit the Salesian Sisters this weekend, I was very uneasy. As the plane took off, I cried. I knew it then. Once I made this visit, I couldn't go back to life as I knew it, and that scared me.

Then I read this reflection on the Sunday Gospel...

 Lazarus … is all of us. That, in fact, is the point of the gospels we have been hearing the last three Sundays – three extraordinary events from the gospel of John. Three people who had an encounter with Christ. Three people whose lives were changed forever because of it.

There was the skeptical and disbelieving woman at the well – who was so stunned at how Jesus knew her, she had to go out and tell others.

There was the blind beggar who gained more than just his sight – he came to see the truth of who Jesus really was.

And there was Lazarus – literally, the walking dead, restored to life because he answered the call of his friend Jesus.

These people are more than figures on a page. They were flesh and blood. And they are you and me. Look deeper, and you’ll recognize it.

We are thirsting, like the woman at the well. Christ quenches that thirst.We are blind beggars. Christ gives us light. And – whether we realize it or not – we are Lazarus. We are trapped in a tomb – hidden in the dark and the decay and the stench, wrapped up on our own brokenness, our own sinfulness. We could be there forever.

But in the midst of that, Jesus weeps. He weeps for us – because he loves us, and has lost us. He wants to bring us back.

I am Lazarus. I have been walking around dead. Christ is calling me to a new life in Him. I encountered Him this weekend in a way that will leave me changed forever. He wants to restore my life. I simply need to hear His call, and walk towards Him.

I am so blessed.

Aspirant Lessons - 2

2. I'm Not As Holy As I Thought... And Neither Are The Sisters.
This news may be shocking and scandalizing to some of you, but I am going to tell you anyway.

I am not living with Sisters who are perfect and never commit a sin. They make mistakes, get annoyed, lose their temper, and have selfish moments... just like every other human being. The difference is, the Sisters are not willing to settle. They are acutely aware of their brokenness and frailty - and that God's merciful love and grace is their only hope. They mess up. They know it. They also know that we have a God who loves us more deeply than we can fathom and that He never tires of forgiving us. They are not perfect, but they never stop trying. Living with women who strive so diligently for holiness has made me realize just how spiritually lazy I have been. It's not that I thought I was perfect.. far from it. But when it came down to doing the really hard work of changing the things I didn't want to change, it was too much effort. I figured I had all the regular human imperfections and that God would love me anyway. But the truth is, the more you come to know and love our Lord, the more you want to be like Him. I don't want to change who I am because I think it will make God love me more. I want to grow in holiness because it will help me to more fully become the person that God created me to be... a person that (hopefully) lives and loves more like Him each day. It is not easy. I have an extremely long way to go, but I have many amazing examples to show me the way.

Light of Love

Imagine Sisters (imaginesisters.org) is a movement working to promote the beauty and joy of female religious life. They are putting out a film called Light of Love on September 8, 2013. The film features one of my FAVORITE Salesian Sisters, Sr. Mary Jackson. The crew came to film at our house in New Jersey, so you will have to watch and see if I make a cameo walking in the background somewhere. =) We got a sneak preview of a few sections of the movie, and it is beautiful! Make sure you watch... it's free and you can watch it online! Find out more at the website: http://lightoflovefilm.com/

The Queenship of Mary

Today the Church celebrates the Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary. (And my brother Jimmy's birthday... Happy Birthday Jimmy!!) For our Sisters this is a special day. The official title of the Salesian Sisters is Daughters of Mary, Help of Christians (in Italian, Figlie di Maria Ausiliatrice). St. John Bosco, our founder, desired for the FMA to be a living monument of gratitude to Mary, Help of Christians. The title of Daughter was a very purposeful choice, signifying the closeness of relationship we are called to share with Mary. We are not servants, adorers, workers, or friends... we are daughters. And as daughters, today we celebrate our Mother as Queen. Pretty cool.

One of the Sisters shared a reflection on the beauty of the image of Mary, Help of Christians and how it expresses the Queenship of Mary.

1. Her Crown - It lets us know that she is Queen. It also tells us that, as her daughters, we are called to imitate the Queen. (Clearly, logic implies that this makes me a future princess. I'm ok with that.)

2. Her Scepter - The scepter shows the power of the Queen. Don Bosco said, "Trust in Mary, Help of Christians and you will see what miracles are." Like a true mother, Mary is our most powerful advocate and intercessor. In history, we see that queens often have a special influence over the king and are able to convince them of things no one else can. A famous theologian, von Balthasar, said, "A queen enjoys full power, even with regard to the king. Mary's fullness of power is expressed in her intercession for us and her mediation of graces, so that we receive all personal graces from God." This mamma bear gets what she needs for her children. :)

3. Sweet Baby Jesus - Notice the way Mary is holding Jesus. You don't often see women holding their children like that. Jesus is not clinging to Mary; he's turned out ready to wrap His arms around us. Her leg is bent like she is ready to take a step forward, and Jesus is ready to just leap into our arms. And THAT is what Mary does most for us. Ever so gently, she brings us closer to the embrace of her Son.

This is a prayer written by Don Bosco, and it has become one of my all-time favorites:

O Mary, most powerful Virgin,

great and illustrious defender of the Church,

wonderful Help of Christians,

formidable as an army in battle array,

you, who alone have over come

every heresy in the world,

in our anguish,

in our combats,

in our difficulties,

defend us from the enemy,

and, in the hour of our death,

receive our souls into Paradise.  Amen.

Mary, Help of Christians, pray for us!

Aspirant Lessons - 1

My time as an Aspirant is coming to a close (I don't technically become a Postulant until October) and it is making me feel a little reflective. It is pretty much impossible to adequately put this past year into words. So instead I've decided to share a few of the big lessons I learned. This is not an exhaustive list, but I'll spare you the messy details and just share the highlights. :)

1. Hold Your Plans Loosely
When I entered, I thought the routine of the convent would make life a little more steady and predictable than it was before. And in some ways it did. (There is ALWAYS time for prayer and I know exactly when dinner is coming.) But, pretty much every day I have done something that has made me stop and think, "Well. Never thought I'd be doing THAT today." I'd wake up each morning with my plan for the day, timing all my tasks just right so that MAYBE I could sneak a nap in. And each day God would laugh and surprise me with something completely different. Whether it was cleaning out closets, setting up teacher classrooms, picking up a food donation from a restaurant, tying ribbons on 100 teddy bears, hanging out at the pool with high school girls, sifting cereal, peeling potatoes, arranging flowers, or dancing across the stage at a national youth ministry conference - there was no telling what each day would bring. Life is unpredictable no matter where you are or what your vocation is, and these daily surprises happen to everyone. However, for some reason for the first few months in the convent they were a little harder to accept (*cough* because I wasn't in control). Then our Provincial, Sr. Karen, told us something that has become a group mantra. She told us that it's good to make our plans, that's how normal people function. But, we need to hold them loosely. If we make our plans and hold them in clenched fists, then we're resentful, annoyed, or angry when something else comes up and they have to change. But, if we hold them in open hands, then we're ready to offer them to God and to receive whatever He may have in store for that day. For the most part, the surprises, changes, and interruptions are trivial... simply tiny annoyances throughout the day. But, I'm learning that it is exactly in these small moments that we grow in obedience and holiness. If I can't choose God's will over my own in the little things, it will be nearly impossible to do it for the bigger things. Now, when those unexpected opportunities to practice God's will over our own appear, the other Aspirants and I will look at each other and just hold our hands open in front of us. Your will be done, Lord.  (And then I try my hardest to keep the interior whining to a minimum.)

The Beginning of Something New

Don't get too excited. I am not even coming close to making any promises that I will update this blog regularly. In fact, this could be my only post ever.

That being said, let's enjoy this moment while we have it!

Here is the 10 second update on my life:
I finished my first year of formation as an Aspirant with the Salesian Sisters. On August 15, I flew to California to begin my second year of formation and become a Postulant. The plan is to stay in California until next summer when we return to New Jersey to enter the Novitiate. But let's not rush things. I'm taking this journey one day (hour, moment, step) at a time.

If you had my address or phone number in New Jersey, erase them. They might put you in touch with some other cool people, but they will not help you reach me.

My new address is:
Katie Flanagan
9758 Foster Road Bellflower, CA 90706

Phone Numbers:
562-866-7938 (Formation House)
973-851-7867 (Cell Phone)
You can call whenever you would like (try to remember the time difference). If we're in class or I can't talk, I'll just call you back as soon as I can. Please make sure you leave your number because my old cell phone with all my numbers isn't working and I most likely don't have it memorized.

I miss all my peeps immensely. Please know that even though I am HORRIBLE at keeping in touch, you are on my heart and in my prayers every day! Call me so we can be friends!!

This is our adorable formation house. I live here with 4 other (soon-to-be) Postulants and one Sister. The other Sisters live next door in the Convent.

Our living room... notice the Gator blanket.

A little Marian grotto in the backyard

Our tiny chapel inside the formation house.